The transformative power of listening

When was the last time you felt really listened to? It sounds simple - we interact with people all the time and listening is part of our day to day experience. But there is a world of difference between the superficial listening many of us experience, and deep listening which makes us feel truly heard.

Considering all the listening we do, you would imagine we would be really good at it. But we are not. We mostly listen to respond. We remember a low percentage of anything we hear at the best of times. If we are listening to others in order to form our own response, then our brains are not fully with the other person and what they are saying. Therefore we process and retain even less of what we hear.

In contrast, when you’re really being listened to, it can be a transformative experience. Imagine being free to pause, consider and articulate what you really think about something, without another person immediately filling the gap and giving their opinion. How often, in our modern world of rapid communication and constant transmission, do we get a chance to sit with and ponder problems and have the space to think them through fully, in the presence of someone else?

I know that when I started training to become a coach, I noticed the power of good listening immediately. Having someone really focus on you, ask a clear question, and then give you the space to respond in your own time and own way, with no judgement whatsoever, felt - luxurious. It felt freeing. It felt powerful. And it led to me articulating things that I hadn’t realised I felt, or that I knew about myself. I surprised myself with my clarity. 

And there’s something very interesting about articulating our thoughts out loud to another person, rather than just mulling over them internally. Worries, challenges and issues feel somehow more manageable.

Our plans to tackle them, somehow more concrete and actionable. Once we’ve said something out loud, it feels real, and do-able. 

When we think about our own health, often we know many of the things we should be doing to feel better. Perhaps we’re aware that we need to up our daily step count, or start doing some strength training, or replace a couple of the sweet treats we’re having with something more nutritious. Therefore more advice and more solutions being thrown our way isn’t what we need. Instead, having someone asking the right questions and acting as a sounding board can allow us to clarify our thoughts and build our conviction. 

So as a coach, I really focus on listening. I give you the space, focus and time you need to think about your health and your way forward, so you can find new ways to overcome old barriers. Each of us is unique and so only you know what habits and behaviours will work best. And in the meantime, give it a try - listen to someone you care about just to listen, rather than listening to respond. Everyone loves a good listener!